Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
