and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
