just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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