I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
