24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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