We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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