are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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