I love black thongs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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