I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
