my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize