Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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