He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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