new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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