She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
