I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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