Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
