There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
