I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
porn star boner night. come get it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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