We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
