I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
