that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
