I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
