this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
