he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
