update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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