Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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