i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
