I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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