i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
