hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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