"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
