I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
