you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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