i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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