I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you never un-have a 4some
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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