I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
