Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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