I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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