I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
