i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
