This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
