If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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