So drunk, too bad you don't want this
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
