I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My bed smells like the plague
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
