You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
