I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
