sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
