She said her name was "party"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize