if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
