nut hugger
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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