One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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