like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This toilet bowl is my home.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize