You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
