Welp...herpes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
