i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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