i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
