You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
