I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
