She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
