actually, I'm a sock model
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
