Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
