Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
