well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
