NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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